The Drug Yellow Journalism How-To Guide

Use long IUPAC chemical names, especially if the substance contains methyl groups near the beginning of the name. People will attempt to read and pronounce the chemical name, and getting them to read the meth- prefix is ideal. Names starting with meth- will grab your reader's attention by the balls. (Long or complex chemical names will not be completely read; reader will skip it and assume it is bad if it is unpronounceable).

If possible, mention the fact that the substance can exist as a white powder.

Priority when listing administration methods: Rectal, injection, snorting, smoking, oral. Rectal is rare but is likely to carry a higher sensationalism factor than even injection, which is well-known and therefore fairly jaded. Oral administration is boring and should be noted last.

If the substance comes from an organism, use the organism's scientific name. It makes you sound smart and it frightens people, especially a name like C. Arabica. However, always use marijuana instead of cannabis.

Likewise, speak of the supposedly backward parts of the world from which it originates, e.g. Latin America (Use "Mexico" if space is limited), Africa, and the Middle East. China is another heavy-hitter, especially when referring to the non-traditional synthentics and phenethylamines.

If you must use a slang term, use dope. This is the slang term used by people who know nothing about drugs. It conjures images of the 1980s drug scares and doping (e.g. performance enhancers) in sports.

If the substance has slang terms referring to euphoric states, e.g. ecstasy, these are helpful to metion. Because the fact that the drug can make someone feel good makes it that much more sinister.

Make sure to mention how the substance in all instances will hurt, destroy, and annihalate children and families, even if the only known case of anyting remote to this was your friend's sister's husband's uncle's brother-in-law's cocaine use.

If any death can be connected to use of the drug, call it deadly. The circumstances or how many deaths do not matter, just as long as a coroner or district attorney's office somewhere believes that the drug was responsible.

Talk about all of the sleazy places where it is sold and consumed. "The Streets" works best but can also be convenience stores and late-night parties. Any place where suspect classes gather, really.

When you see one "junkie" in the park, make sure to tell your friends that the park is "full of junkies"

Make sure to assume that homeless, welfare recipients, young people, and all other members of suspect classes are "junkies" like the one seen in the park.

Boast of your support for using the police and other government agencies to round up and lock up anyone who has anything to do with these substances. Then go on to write a column about how our privacy and liberties are being eroded, how pollution regulations are choking industry, and that we need lower taxes and less government.

CREATED/WRITTEN: 2011-10-13 22:19